“Surrender means, by definition, giving up attachment to results.” – Marianne Williamson
Marianne Williamson’s classic novel, A Return to Love, is one of those books I wish I could give to everyone I come across. It has literally transformed me and helped me to change my life for the better, so if you feel the same, please hit me up so we can discuss for hours and become BFFs, because it is one of my favorite things to talk about. Like, ever.
This particular quote about surrender resonated with me. Think about it: how often do you do something and carry the pressure of what the final result will be with you from the start?
Your internal thoughts and beliefs will always be reflected through your energy, no matter what you say or do. So, ladies, as I always say (much to the chagrin of my friends): check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.
Say you’re on a first date. The two of you are conversing, and you are mentally going through your checklist of must-have qualities in a future hubby: must be OK with being the designated bug killer, must tolerate and/or enjoy watching the Oprah Winfrey Network 24/7, and must not freak out if I fart around him. (What? These didn’t make it on to your list?)
So far, he’s passing every test with flying colors. Check, check, and check. YES! You give him your number and leave feeling pretty confident that he could be the one.
He leaves feeling like he just went through the strangest, most grueling interview of his life and he never wants to see you again.
Here’s what Marianne would advise: If we are tied to the end result, we will never experience the true joy of getting there, and the meaning and purpose of the people and situations we encounter will be completely lost on us.
She would suggest, why not make inner peace the goal? If we focus on inner peace instead of external circumstances that are out of our control, then it doesn’t matter whether or not we end up with the guy. Because we’ll have freakin’ inner peace!
Think of when you were a little girl. You didn’t psycho-analyze all the reasons why the kid eating his own boogers wouldn’t make a good husband someday. You were just happy to have someone to play in the sandbox with.
The universe is much larger and much smarter than we ever could be, so why don’t we relax, ease into life, and stop worrying about the outcome? There’s another way to live here, and that’s living fully in the present moment instead of projecting our fear about the future on to every person and circumstance we come across.
That’s not to say we shouldn’t give our best effort. It just means means that after we give our all, we need to release it and have faith that we will land where we’re meant to. We always do.
For more tips on dating, check out How to Survive a First Date.