On our eight-year anniversary, my boyfriend proposed. It was something we’d talked about long before it actually happened. We knew we’d eventually get married just months into our relationship, and frequently said as much to each other. Thankfully, when it came to that whole ‘ever after’ thing, we were always on the same page.
But because we didn’t make it official right away, we fielded the “when are you getting married?” question over and over and over. Sometimes it was from well-meaning folks who cared about us so much they just wanted to see us celebrate. Most times, it was from nosy people we hadn’t spoken to in years (or ever) who guffawed at the thought of being together for more than a year without impending nuptials.
Then we got engaged and we assumed the speculation of will-they-won’t-they would subside. Instead, it really just brought about a few other conversations, such as:
- Have you set a date yet?
- Seriously, have you set a date yet?
- No, for real, like, when is the wedding?
Some people really get excited about the after-engagement stuff, probably because it is exciting. But it was a lot for me to take in at first, especially when I was just trying to enjoy the engagement-stuff. Thankfully, it seems like most of my friends/family understand that and adopted the ol’ “Do what makes you happy” mantra, which is my favorite.
So I’ve been enjoying being engaged. However, in between casually using the word “fiance” when I can and high-fiving my significant other about how we’re about to get married, I find myself wondering: now what?
“Now what” seems to have taken the form of research in an effort to figure out what I/we want to do. I like researching things. Research is fun. It gives me information and I feel powerful when I’m knowledgeable.
My wedding research has manifested itself into things like having a wedding versus eloping versus having a private ceremony with a reception for everyone and all of the variations in between. It’s also included some preliminary research into ‘traditional’ wedding stuffs, like engagement photos and save-the-dates and the invites and the months of planning and the wedding photos and the flowers and the dress and the caterer and party favors and the venue and decorations and cakes and, and, and.
What I’m realizing is… holy crap, a lot goes into this Getting Married thing, even if all you’re thinking of doing is running down to the courthouse. So my “research” sometimes ends with me throwing my hands up in the air and saying, “I give up! I don’t know what I want!” — which is perhaps most telling of all.
For now, I think I’m going to let myself be okay if the answer to “Now what?” is simply, “Relax, and enjoy.”