In the months prior to meeting the woman who is now my wife, I read a wise, frank and insightful little book by Charlotte Kasl called “If The Buddha Dated.” I used to relax in the bathtub of my little shoebox studio apartment, and try to find consolation in both the warm water and the solid words this book offered up. Like a lot of us in the world, I was, at the time, single. And I did not want to find just any mate, but rather a perfectly matched, my heart is swooning, I would be so lucky to marry you sort of mate.
Now, I am not a Buddhist. I was not content like I imagined the meditative folk of Buddhism to be. I sometimes cried. Finding a date can be tough, and then going on the actual date itself was terrible.
But what this book offered was a no-nonsense, real way of looking at the date. Although it has now been years since I read the book, I remember the main concept I gleaned was to be open to the possibility of my perfect mate coming into my life. Likewise, if I was on a date with someone who did not fit that description, then the book suggested not wasting time, and releasing the person so they could go be perfect for someone else.
In essence, looking at it this way, eased anxiety. There was no reason to be nervous. The person would either be a fit, or they would be a better fit for someone else. We were both human, and both just trying to figure it out.
One of the book’s further insights, which I very much appreciated, suggested thinking about the ways in which you act toward the person who could potentially be your life partner, from the first moment you meet them. This is the tidbit that I believe deserves enormous accolade.
To highlight its essence, I will share a little story with you, dear reader. In between first meeting my perfectly matched, heart-swooning, so lucky to have married you wife, and the first date with my perfectly matched, heart-swooning, so lucky to have married you wife, a phone call came in. It was the illustrious mid-week, would you like to go on a date with me this upcoming weekend phone call.
My phone rang. I saw her number come up. My heart did a little dance. And…(drumroll please)… I picked up the phone. I did not ignore the call, pretending to be busy. I did not play a game. I did not act with anything other than my true self. And my true self was overjoyed and available for her phone call. So I answered. And I am ever so glad I did.
So if you happen to be going on an upcoming first date, looking at it from this perspective can be helpful. Just be yourself. See if there is a match. And then be ready to give of your true self should Mr. or Ms. Right be sitting across from you.